Lost in the mountains

Shenandoah National Park, Virginia USA

STUFF in my life

I know I have lots of stuff, and I keep lots of stuff...but I have little idea of how much stuff I threw or give away or recycle them.

Stumbled upon this interesting and informative clip. It gives a good snapshot of how things work in this world. I also like the way how the information is being presented, via pictorial illustration (yea, I like things being simple).


It's Christmas now so I guess it's a good time to start. Before I grab some stuff for my family or friends as prezzies, I better make sure it's not some stuff that would fall into obsolescence...but some useful stuff they need. Yup, the keyword is NEED.

The challenge to unlearn

"Learning isn't easy" - how often do we hear that?

Think again.
It's the un-learning that is tough.

Try unlearning our driving or cycling skills...skills get rusty over time, but they would never be unlearned. Likewise for the societal expectations...we are used to living under the scrutiny of others. Or rather, we have been brought up under such environment.

Try to unlearn living according to social rules or norms, to unlearn the comfort-seeking needs, to unlearn having desires...good to be mindful but to actually do it?

My feel: instead of trying to unlearn, I think it should be learning how to deal with what has been learnt. That might be easier :)

Welcoming the winter

Am setting off to the east coast of the US next month. Spending my Christmas and New Year over there...will be exploring NYC, Washington DC, and some other yet-to-be-confirmed places. Feeling excited about it because it's one continent I haven't stepped foot on yet.

Most deeply, I somewhat feel a sign of relief as the trip symbolises the end of 2007. The word that sums up this year for me is OVERWHELMED so this trip is like a 'timeout'. Am not sure what next year would be like, but I do hope when I return, I would be clearer-minded, rejuvenated, and re-energised.

...and traveling during the winter months seems so apt...since almost every living thing (except human beings) goes into hibernation. Well, it's time for my 'hibernation' too...

Perceived reality

Is probably illusory


[Dove Evolution]

Follow-up to Evolution

[Dove Onslaught]

All it takes is socialization… bombarding the masses with such messages, turning their inner desire to needs...

Well done, Dove!
...though I am not so sure how well this (a FMCG brand) is connecting with the masses via such message platform.

The Break Up

Oooo, you've got to check this out...the advertiser-consumer relationship. Quite a brilliant way of execution. Yeah, we, the consumers, have evolved...forget abt price, quality (those are expected attributes)...we want MORE...

When I am old

WH sent this to me recently. Am deeply touched by it...

I would like to share this with you...as a reminder for ourselves. And, I hope it tugs at your heartstrings as much as it did to mine.

《当我老了》 ——写给孩子的一封信
当我老了，不再是原来的我。
请理解我，对我有一点耐心。

当我把菜汤洒到自己的衣服上时，
当我忘记怎样系鞋带时，
请想一想当初我是如何手把手地教你。

当我一遍又一遍地重复你早已听腻的话语，
请耐心地听我说，不要打断我。
你从小的时候，我不得不重复那个讲过千百遍的故事，
直到你进入梦乡。

当我需要你帮我洗澡时，请不要责备我。
还记得小时候我千方百计哄你洗澡的情形吗？

当我对新科技和新事物不知所措时，请不要嘲笑我。
想一想当初我怎样耐心地回答你的每一个“为什么”。

当我由于双脚疲劳而无法行走时，
请伸出你年轻有力的手搀扶我。
就像你小时候学习走路时，我扶你那样。

当我忽然忘记我们谈话的主题，请给我一些时间让我回想。
其实对我来说，谈论什么并不重要，
只要你能在一旁听我说，我就很满足。

当你看着老去的我，请不要悲伤。
理解我，支持我，就像你刚开始
学习如何生活时我对你那样。

当初我引导你走上人生的路，
如今请陪我走完最后的路。
给我你的爱和耐心，我会报以感激的微笑。
这微笑中凝结着我对你无限的爱。

文章择选自墨西哥《数字家庭》2004年11月号

'Singapore Dreaming' afternoon

Today’s somewhat a family day for me. Decided to take the afternoon off and spend time with my family. So it was movie time for my folks and I decided to screen Singapore Dreaming since it has Hokkien, English and Mandarin dialogues.

Well, watching a movie with folks isn’t easy. Had to check on them from time to time, looking at how they were responding to the movie. It’s almost as if I were the one who produced or directed the movie. Anyway, I am glad it turned out well…my folks were laughing at certain scenes (which is really heartwarming to see) and it is obvious they enjoy the Hokkien dialogue most :)

And there was a particular scene that I was drawn to...the one between Lim Yu Beng’s character and the Chinese national drinking at the hawker center. Can’t remember the exact words exchanged but the Chinese national said something like this to Lim Yu Beng’s character:

"…you give up your dream so that you can work and try to earn more money. While I work and try to earn more money so that I can pursue my dream…"

Mmmm…Singapore dreaming…and mmMMM our dreaming…so which is which?

Knocked out

It just hit me….just like that. For the past 2 nights, I couldn’t stay awake beyond 2am, and I almost couldn’t wake up early in the morning.

After months of having disrupted sleep or sleepless nights, and the recent work pile-up (okay, work didn’t really pile up but too many things happening at home; overwhelmed is how I would describe it), fatigue or Zhou-gong decided to pay me a visit. And I finally dreamt.

Lately, my attentiveness and my memory have been terrible. My fuse I notice is getting shorter, and my power naps are losing its power too! Not good.

BUT tonight, a Friday night, when most are out having fun, welcoming the weekend…while me as usual, staying in home, working…is finally gaining momentum! I am feeling the gear in me moving up a notch slowly. Slowww but it’s definitely up :)

In anticipation of...

Rachael Yamagata's latest record


Beautiful...

Me in Me

[Thoughts inspired by James P. Carse & Robert Fulghum]

I am on facebook because a friend invited me. And all this hype about facebook, friendster, myspace…I think I am just not into it (but I will try). Like I wrote about it previously (Hola, mi amigo), it’s not so much about the number of friends I have, how wide my network is, BUT how strong the friendship is. Likening it to a spider’s web…it may look fragile with its thin, silken threads, but mighty resilient it is (I hope).

I have nothing against such social networking…in fact, this human connectedness is becoming very powerful. Think guerilla marketing.

Another reason why I am not highly excited about it…is I believe that humans are multi-faceted beings. So many personas we adopt in our lives – our work persona, our private self, the front we present to family vs. friends vs. colleagues vs. clients…

Even as I am writing this, I am also aware that you, as the reader, are forming some impression of me. So the ‘me’ you are seeing now could be the ‘blogging me’ (a gentle reminder as well, the blog name says ‘the nomad in me’). Then who’s the real me?

At this stage in life, I would say I live in a world with more grey zones than black-and-white ones. The question is not about how real I am and who the real me is. I believe what you see is part of the ‘real me’. I am also beginning to realise I shouldn’t say “jus be me" or "jus be yourself” anymore…because which self shall you or I be at that moment, since it’s already part of you or I?

Untitled

See, instead of look
Listen, instead of hear
Smell, instead of inhale
Savor, instead of devour
Feel, instead of touch
Reflect, instead of being aware
Interact, instead of prattle

Life would be more interesting and meaningful this way…

Feeling alive once again

Am finally getting some of my life back…for a while, I was in the mode of I-do-what-I-need-to. I was cold. I dealt with what was required. It was Murphy’s Law at work. There’s nothing I can do, but deal with whatever’s coming my way. Even if there’s time for me to ponder ‘why me?’, I chose not to. Even till now, I will not entertain to this question. No point in harping, worrying, self-pitying…it may sound emotional-less, but as long as I keep things going, and the spirits are up. Nothing can be daunting right?

Time or Life waits for no one. The dark clouds will go away, and the blue sky and sun will be revealed once again…

The long silence

...because many things have taken a backseat in my life for now...
My life
My work
My impending trip (which will not be happening)
My reads
My social life
My blog…

The power of numbers

Numbers speak volume. In politics, economics, statistics… as well as physics, mathematics, geography…

On a macro level, we need numbers to substantiate our stand, to prove our/its existence, to use as evidence…it is concrete, visible to everyone (and cold). And we feel safe with numbers.

Can we use numbers to deal with emotions? In my line of work, I seldom use numbers (despite coming from a pure Science stream and majoring in Mathematics). Most of the time, I use words…words to express emotions, visuals to convey the mood or framework of findings. At times, I wonder how I manage to switch my viewpoint from a see-what-and-know-what to a know-how-and-see-why perspective.

And perhaps I have been in the know-how-and-see-why mindset for too long that I am beginning to feel lost? Confused?

XY: How much do you like it?
nomad: Eh?
XY: In percentage…do you like it up to 80%? Or 70%?
nomad: Hmmm… (silently thinking if I can equate my emotions to percentage)
XY: Well, if you like 80% of it, dislike 20% of it...maybe you should consider magnifying the 80%, overpowering the 20% you dislike.
nomad: …right… (nodding to show that I understood what she meant, at the same time, digesting that piece of advice)…

Numbers help to simplify things (but of cos, instances of over-simplification happen too). In my case, it helps to put things into perspective.

Yes, the fog in my head is clearing a little…not totally cleared but at least I am feeling calmer with the figures in my head now.

South Vietnam (Part II)

Finally, the pictures have been uploaded! (pls click here)

As you will notice, I have also changed my multiply template but...argh, I still haven't figured out how to customise it.

Anyways, hope you have a pleasant time viewing the pix :)

Simple profoundness

Find this highly resonating at the moment…

(Hanging on to myself - Framed A4 papercut)

(close-up)

About Peter Callesen’s work

“…I find the A4 sheet of paper interesting to work with, because it probably still is the most common and consumed media and format for carrying information today, and in that sense it is something very loaded. This means that we rarely notice the actual materiality of the A4 paper. By removing all the information and starting from scratch using the blank white 80gsm A4 paper as a base for my creations, I feel that I have found a material which, on one hand, we all are able to relate to, and which on the other hand is non-loaded and neutral and therefore easier to fill with different meanings. The thin white paper also gives the paper sculptures a fragility which underlines the tragic and romantic theme of the works.”

∆ Meets the Big O

I was sitting in Mr. J’s office a few weeks ago for a debrief session and something caught my eye. It was ‘The Missing Piece Meets the Big O’ book stacked against other MR reading materials on his shelf. I can’t help but asked him about it (of cos, after discussing the biz matters).

Looks like I am not the only one who have a fondness for that book =) It’s actually categorized as a children’s book. Has very simple illustration (in black and white; un-coloured), yet carries a succinct message. Both J and I are quite intrigued and impressed with how the author brings out the essence of life by condensing all-that-is-happening-in-our-lives using simple sketches.

Well, apparently not many people see it in that light. Mr. J did a random survey amongst his friends and it seems that most reacted with “Hmm, so…what? Am I supposed to see something? Isn’t that what life is all about?”

Only some (I suspect likely to be the Qualis) feel something for this book.

Whether or not we share the same sentiments, here’s an online version which you may like to drop by. And I hope you have a happy-rolling good time!

AARHHH!!!

The back-to-reality blues…

South Vietnam (Part I)

Am back from my Viet trip and am already missing the following…

Ooo…yummy
French bread, banh mi thit (Vietnamese sandwich), pho…I had them for almost everyday. No kidding. So that explains the extra pounds I put on from this trip. Haa…

Between north and south Viet food, I think I prefer the south. More varieties to satisfy me, the food lover. Probably also because the south Vietnam cuisine is more Chinese-influenced. North Viet food tends to be salty while South Viet food tends toward the sweeter end.

Traffic madness
The ever-challenging traffic, with its rule-bending motorists as well as pedestrians and constant horning…it’s crazier than in Hanoi despite its wider roads and slightly more developed infrastructure. Then again, I would say it’s organized chaos. There’s this unwritten rule of pedestrian and motorists having equal rights on the road. Cool – I like!

Mind-reading
Am impressed with most service staff (not referring to those vendors who try to fleece tourists)…they are really attentive and observant. Before I ask for anything, they know I need help and are by my side in an instant.

Not surprisingly, South Viet people tend to be more street-smart than North Viet people.

Bonding with the locals
Very much enjoyed my stay at the hostel or mini-motel (Redsun Hotel). Made friends with the owner and her staff…they also gave me a chance to experience the chaotic traffic. Of cos, me being the pillion rider sans helmet…not my first time but still, it’s fun :)

It’s sauna everyday
Without fail, I always come back to my hostel perspiring and feeling sticky. But not complaining cos it made me realise how much I appreciate showering at the end of the day.

It’s fleecing time!!
Forget about the fruits – although Viet grow dragon fruits, longan, jack fruit, mangosteen, durian…as long as you are a tourist, you can’t run away from being ripped off by the vendors.

Met 2 Singaporean gals and they told us they paid 10-odd sing dollars for 6 seeds of durian + some jackfruit. Poponta and I checked with the local – they only have to pay S$1.50 for a whole durian. I know it’s common for tourists to be ripped off by locals, but for that vast difference??! If one die die must get the fruits, befriend the locals and speak their language.

On the whole, HCMH reminds me of Singapore in its 60/70’s era...the streets, roadside stalls, the market. Many things I enjoyed and appreciated when I was there… shall upload the pictures soon and share them with you.

我懂

欢迎光临真实生活
请往前走...
不论你我喜欢与否
都得经过... ...

这个世界什么都有
真假交错...
哭过笑过爱过痛过
都会经过... ...

想自由就要放开手
想证明就要敢追求
想飞翔就要往前走... ...

其实很多事情我都懂
只是我选择不说
刻意的低调不代表
我允许谁来招惹我... ...

Excerpt from song <<我懂>> by 黄义达

* *Sparkle* *

Met BC for coffee yesterday, and I found something in him which I have not seen it in many of us for a very long time…

The sparkle in his eyes…when he was telling me about his life.

It was a refreshing feel because it’s been a long while since I last spoke to someone with so much zest for life. Feelings of envy, gladness, guilt and sadness start to creep in...and I start to wonder what happened to my ‘sparkle’.

I remember when I first started working, I was working crazy hours 24/7… WH/GL almost gave up on me (cos either I was often late for our regular gathering or I was out of town). Some pragmatic friends advised me to quit my job – for that number of hours I put in, it’s not worth the money earned.

But hey, I was YOUNG, full of energy, with a strong thirst for knowledge and experience, and I ENJOY pushing my limits. So I work hard, I play hard. And I believe I had that sparkle in my eyes during that period. The feeling of being alive, the passion for what I was doing…it’s that driving force that pumps my bloodstream.

So what’s pumping my bloodstream now? Deadline pressures…I have now become the ‘disengaged worker’. Dammit. I hate this feeling.

I told BC to stay close to his heart…continue to emit that sparkle.

I have already lost mine, but am not losing hope…I will continue to search for it…

Hola, mi amigo

I find the recent discussion about the pair of sisters having 16,000 friends amusing...everyone starts to question what qualifies one as a friend or a good friend. Well, I believe everyone is entitled to their own definition of friends...as long as they are happy with their circle of friends.

For me, like Mr Ng, I do not need my friends to remember my birthday (although I must say I really appreciate the bday wishes I received from them). I subscribe to the old school – ‘a friend in need is a friend indeed’, 讲义气 kind of friends. Sounds like brotherhood, triad society oaths, eh? Haa...but seriously, it’s as simple as that for me. Yet, not easy to find such friends.

Some questions also came to my mind about friendship (in fact, for any relationship)

• When was the last time we had this impulse of dialing our friends’ number...just because we want to hear their voice, wanting to know how they are getting on with their lives...and because we miss them?
• When was the last time we had a heart-to-heart talk with them? Actively listening to them and having the ‘altruistic’ urge in us to help them out?
• We have many friends whom we can choose to hang out with, but who are the ones that come to mind when we need someone whom we can just chill out with? To feel comfortable with, without saying much to each other (enjoying the silence)?
• When it comes to gifting, how often do we buy presents for friends for the sake of buying? Similarly, how often do we buy presents having the person in mind (knowing what the person likes and dislikes)? [Hint: Being recipients ourselves, we can tell from the presents which the ‘thoughtful gifts’ are.]

So...how much do we know about our friends? How much do we treasure them?
How much do we respect them? And how much do we value their opinions?

It is useless thinking about these questions and having the answers in our head because it will be the actions stemming from these thots that matter - the small gestures/ initiatives, occasional surprises/ emails/ sms/ calls, thoughtful gifts...

“My, it’s so much hard work to be a friend” you may say.

Well, no one says it’s easy being a human in the first place...

Feeling high and dry

It has a life on its own.
It feeds on anything that’s alive.
It sucks the victim dry.
It leaves the victim high.

But it is also kind.
At times, it makes the victim happy (but how often?)
Other times, it makes the victim gloomy (oh, how frequent it is!)
What an emotional ride…
It drains the victim dry.
It leaves the victim high.

Some says the victim is blind,
Some says it’s the victim’s plight,
Some says the victim deserves it
For it is the victim that creates it --
WORK

[Wrote this some time ago...dry because I was brain-drained and high because I was in a state of high after working for long hours]

Going north

Can't wait for next month...finally bought my tix and I will be setting off to Vietnam in July! Yes, back to Vietnam again...and this time to Ho Chi Minh.

Wondering how different and how alike the north Viet and south Viet are...am already hearing about HCMH being the backward version of Bangkok, the "吃草吃纸" (try saying this in Hokkien for the oomph feel - "chiat cao chiat zhwa") eating habits. Hmm, looks like it's going to be a shopping and going-on-a-meat-free-diet trip. Haa...ok, am exaggerating a little here.

Anyway, as always, I shall keep an open mind when I'm there (:

Missing out on the sequel action

Realise I’m no longer a movie buff these days…price of cinema tix is one thing. More importantly, the urge for seeking closure in me has clearly weakened.

In the past few years, I followed through the X-men, the LOR trilogies…

Prior to those, there were Star Wars, Indiana Jones, Alien, Amityville (those 70/80s version), Poltergeist and to some extent, Highlander…yah, you can call me a TV or movie junkie. I was (Miu can probably vouch for that), and still am, I think.

Strangely now, I don’t feel I lost anything when I missed my spidey 3, Pirates of the Caribbean 2 (and now 3!)… Well, I dun mind being a victim of those commecialised movies so I don’t really quite know what happened to me.

Not that it’s work, or the weak story plot of those sequels that dampen my interest…but I simply lose the craving to watch the sequel for some closure (anyway, closure is no longer ‘in’…it’s the cliffhanging ending that is ‘in’ now).

Maybe it’s harder for me now to succumb to these commercialized tactics …knowing that these are only some whimsical moments that help spice up our life.

Breakfast at nomad's

[DevilAngel introduced me to a word-game-blog called Collective Rantings. The rule is to start off on a topic initiated by previous author and end off with another topic...which is to be picked up by the next author. While waiting for a call to come, I went to pick up the thread and so my topic was 'pancakes' and here's my rantings associated with 'pancake']

Had pancake this morning
Complemented with butter and maple syrup
And my aromatic coffee
Yum yum…

Yesterday morning I had toast
Spread with my home-made avocado paste
Mashed avocado, mixed well with a sprinkle of salt, pepper, and some fresh lemon juice
Again, together with my coffee companion
Ooo…I like

The day before yesterday I had toast
With melted cheese and ham on top of toasts
Add a dash of Tabasco sauce to give it an additional spice
Yup, not forgetting my coffee
Mmm…indulgence…

Am I dreaming up all these breakfasts?
Uh-uh, they are my breakfast
Maybe not everyday but at least once a week

It’s a pleasure to prepare breakfast
A new day, a new beginning
Start afresh with a sumptuous meal

Why not?
We need energy for the rest of the day
To face new challenges
Encounter unpleasant episodes
Engage in firefighting at work…
The least we can do is treat ourselves better in the morning

And my topic for the next author: A new beginning
[Above entry can also be found at Collective Rantings.]

Inner voice

Listen hard.
It’s there.

When you are making a decision, responding or reacting to a situation, voices in your head that probably say something like this…

"Yea, that’s the way to go."
"Hold on, you sure you want to do this?"
"Is this the right move?"
"Hmm…something ain’t right…"

Devil’s advocate, true essence of who you are, Freudian’s theory of superego, the voice that can empower one, the gut feel, the sixth sense…whatever name it is called…it’s there.

An irrefutable truth is that you know the voice is right. Try to go against it and you feel a pang of guilt. Which give rise to hesitation…and possibly regret not heeding the voice.

Amid the buzz surrounding us, it’s easy to lose ‘sight’ of it. So don’t lose it.

Believe it's something that connects every one of us. Somehow deep down, we just know it...because sometimes the inner voice echoes the thought of the stranger just seated next to you.

My recent working companion

…for the past week has been Radiohead’s Fake Plastic Trees.

Perhaps it’s age…I find solace in songs I grew up listening to. Or maybe it’s the melancholy mood of this song that is appealing to me. *chuckle* yes, am drawn to melancholism. It does make me feel gloomy, but I feel at ease with it. I think it’s part of me.

Song is also about mass consumerism…everything turning into plastic, becoming unreal…

"A green plastic watering can
For a fake Chinese rubber plant
In the fake plastic earth…"

Jus to become ‘the someone’ that someone wants you to become…

"And if I could be who you wanted
If I could be who you wanted
All the time, all the time"

And as the chorus goes…"it wears me out, it wears me out"…

Back to working status

...yup, my blog template is working. At last.

Seems that it has something to do with singnet. Apparently singnet users have the same problem like I do (check out the long discussion thread, and I mean really long). I am amazed by how some actually went all the way out to find out the root of the problem - troubleshooting with email, find the link between blogger and singnet (I mean, we are not the only country that blogs), detailing the tracing route, and even got in touch with singnet...gosh...

I am terrible with such, have no idea what those mean, but patient enough to wait for someone to come up with the solution *GRIN*

So I just follow their instructions - applying manual proxy settings on my web browsers. My, I never thot I would need to do my proxy settings in this present era lor...thot it was only in the past when you first sign up for dial-up and need to do those settings thingy.

Anyway, am glad things are back to normal now...

Something's wrong with my blogger...

Am not sure about you, but I am encountering problems with my blogger template settings. I can't view my page elements...can't do anything to it at all. Clear my cache, refresh the page, switching between broswers...nothing works.

Am seriously considering to shut down this site...not sure if I should continue with blogger too. Sigh...

nomad's e-collage

It’s part of our moderation job that we adopt projective techniques with respondents to explore and understand their underlying motivations and hindrances toward particular product/ services (--> here’s what I call my ‘job language’).

As the saying goes, a picture paints a thousand words.
One of the projective techniques we use is called collage building. Respondents are asked to select pictures to build a world of XX (XX could be a noun or a brand), and this world could include representations of people, objects, scenery, landscape, buildings, moods, environment, feeling, colours…so on.

As quali (short form for qualitative researchers), we sometimes joke about doing up our own collages. Or asking our prospective boyfriend/husband to do theirs as well as on many other things…so that we can take a look at our world or their world, or the world of XX…and detect if there’s any skeleton hiding in the cupboard ;)

And guess what I found recently on the net – visual DNA!

Darn. If I had known this sooner, we, the qualis, could have pioneered this! And we will go beyond the simple selection of pictures. We will also do segmentation, profiling, typology…whatever stats models, coming up with more robust stimuli and data…haa…

Anyways, here’s how my visual DNA looks like ...yar, aesthetics, I likes. And oh, you can 'personalise' the descriptions as well... yup, wrote those myself.

Read my VisualDNA™ Get your own VisualDNA™

Go try it, and share yours :)

Closer than you know

Was reading manic dEliRiuM moment (particularly tHe PoiNT entry), and this thought came to me…

For each day we live, we are a step closer to death.

We do not know when it would happen but we know for sure it will happen.

We have a choice on how we want to lead our lives...so how are you living yours?

The importance of a degree

“Most of my friends, and most of my friends’ children, also have degrees. That doesn’t mean that they’ve managed to find the kind of job they wanted. Not at all. They went to university because someone, at a time when universities were important, said that, in order to rise in the world, you had to have a degree. And thus the world was deprived of some excellent gardeners, bakers, antique dealers, sculptors, and writers. Perhaps this is the moment to review the situation. Doctors, engineers, scientists, and lawyers need to go to university, but does everyone?”

~ Paulo Coelho’s Like the Flowing River

Lights, camera, MUSIC!

Really like the recent Sony Ericsson Walkman phone ads, especially their background music. It definitely enhances and captures the desired emotion or state of mind for its storyline.

Here’s the most recent one…
[Song: Want you to know by Freelance Hellraiser]

Story plot and lyrics are so simple and humble, yet so romantic!


And then an earlier one (which is one of my fav)
[Music: Jump on Foot by Holiday for Strings, a Swedish indie band]

Exactly how I feel and what I want to feel when I am listening to music on my phone =)

Makes me think of Fujifilm’s What a Wonderful World by Louis Armstrong, NEC’s On your Mark by Chage and Aska…mmm, nostalgic…I like.

Sometimes I wish I were…

…a writer, a music composer, or an artist so that people are more willing to accept my nonchalance, my detachment at times, convoluted or delusional thoughts, cynical outlook, or my freelancing lifestyle.

I know this is me stereotyping (typecasting these occupations which unfortunately are usually associated with some form of eccentricities or atypical lifestyle) but problem is many couldn’t understand what I am doing with my life. I suppose it’s the UNCERTAINTY in life that most would choose not to deal with it, as it would conflict with their desire for security in their lives. Translate security into having a stable job, stable income, getting married, and so on and so forth. Hmm…I still don’t quite see it, or rather I made the choice of not pursuing that so let me continue to deal and live with the uncertainty, the so-called insecurity, in my life.

Stay connected

Connectivity. Being connected at anywhere - at work, home, school, etc – at anytime, with anyone who’s connected. Mobile phones. Email. Blackberry. Messenger. Social networking sites. Blogs. Hmm, what else did I leave out?

Then here’s a hypothetical scenario (think can try permuting the order too):
If I can’t get you on the phone, I can drop you an email. If there’s no reply, I see if I can reach you online on Messenger to inform you I sent an email to your XX email account (since many of us own numerous email accounts these days). If I still can’t reach you, I see if I can google your name, schools you studied, companies you worked in, anything regarding your background. Who knows – you maybe registered on a social network, belonging to some groups/affiliation. And I can get myself registered on the social network as well, find my affiliated group and according to six degree of separation, I should be able to reach you. Perhaps you happen to have a blog which you placed it in your social network. Which means I can read and find out more about you. I can drop a comment if I want or chat with you via your blog if you are online.

Ok, I am making it sound like stalking, or you can say I am being paranoid. But it’s possible, don't you think? Especially with this ever-increasing connectedness of human beings. Everyone wants to be connected and is connected in some ways somehow. It’s just a matter of tracing it.

Mushishi

My fav anime was mentioned in the straits time today =) [page s12 under Review section titled "Help! There's an alien at my heels" by Janice Tay] Quite interesting in the way she relates her daily life to the characters in the anime.

It's unfortunate that this anime series is not as popular as Bleach or Naruto...largely due to its plot as it tends toward mystery, supernatural (maybe)...and at times, philosophical. It always gives me a very 玄 feeling and there are some episodes which will make me think - I like :)

Do also listen to the opening song, Ally Kerr’s Sore Feet Song - a soothing song that fits with the quiet and calm atmosphere of the series. And the scene music...simple, yet enchanting.

Know your league

Was clearing my emails when I stumbled upon sthg I sent to some frens eons ago...think Bak Chew has seen it. It's from my all-time fav author - Robert Fulghum...problem is I dunno where I quoted it from (his books? or website?) *scratch head* Anyways, here it is... something to ponder :)

=============================================================
Some sense of being successful in life may lie in knowing which league to play in. If your dream of success means playing striker on a World Cup soccer team and you are short, chubby, and slow, you will die disappointed.
Wrong league.
If you are pleased to play goalie on a local playground team with other short, chubby, and slow people – and you have a wonderful time doing it, then you are a successful soccer player.
Right league.
And the same is true for any sport – tennis, baseball, volleyball, poker or whatever - pick a league worthy of your abilities and flourish there.

Or, as Epictetus said in the 4th century B.C.:
"If you can fish, fish. If you can sing, sing. If you can fight, fight. Determine what you can do. And do that."

Likewise, some sense of being successful in life may lie in knowing on which scale you work best. For example, an astronomer is one whose mind can function on a cosmic scale. A physicist is one whose mind can handle the quantum scale. A theologian – a metaphysical scale. A historian deals with the long picture. A psychiatrist works with the deep picture. A cook or taxi driver works with the immediate situation. Poets and artists work on a very personal scale. Politicians – the public arena.
Many die confused and unfulfilled because they spend a life trying to perform above their abilities and perspective – usually a matter of working on the wrong scale.

Epictetus said, "Why worry about being a nobody when what matters is being a somebody in those areas of your life over which you have control, and in which you can make a difference?"

Why am I telling you this?
Two reasons. My 70th year begins this week, and I am in a reflective mood.
And my thinking was provoked when I arrived in Crete this year and found on my desk a letter to me from a German scholar who had lived in my house for a time while I was away. (She has read my books and reads my web-site journal postings.)
After expressing appropriate appreciation for my writing and the use of the house, she asked some hard questions:
Why did I not address the political issues of our time, especially the actions of the present American government administration? Why did I not address the humanitarian issues of our day? Why was I not outraged as an American with the evil done on my behalf? Did I agree that might makes right, that the end justifies the means, and that God is on our side? How can I support the fundamental position of Zionist Israel? Did I really believe the American Way was the only Way? Did I have any real understanding of how America is perceived in the world now? How much hatred and contempt is felt? Why was I silent on these burning issues? Why did I not run for office and do something?

Answer: It is a matter of league and scale.

My mind works in the scale of the local, the daily, and the ordinary.
Writing about that is the league in which I am competent.
I tend to be simple-minded, plain-spoken, and optimistic.
I attend to my corner of the world as best I can with the tools I have.

Of course I know that evil and ugliness exists, as much now as ever.
These get all the headlines. We all get the bad news.
And I send money and vote and march in response.
But I remain astonished at the good and lovely that exists.
And most of it is free and readily available – if I stay open-eyed.

Of course there is reason for pessimism.
We shall all die. The earth will fall into the sun.
Meanwhile . . . is the league and scale of the amateurs like me.

I have not the skill to play professional sports. Wrong league.
I have not the competence to be an astrologer, physicist, theologian, chef, historian, politician, psychiatrist, cook, or taxi driver. Wrong scale. Nor the talent to be a poet, musician, or artist. Nor writer of great literature or even thrillers or detective stories or political commentary. Not me.
When people ask why don't I do this and this and this instead of that and that and that, I can only say that I am a man who has found his league and scale, who goes about trying to be awake to the news of the immediate ordinary world; to make sense of what I see; to pass it on with the implied question: have you seen what I see?
Look! Don't miss the good stuff – that is my message.

There. Not self-defense or apology.
Just a statement of position.
Meanwhile . . . I know what I can do.
Meanwhile. . . I do it.

It never stands still

Clock always turns in clockwise direction, never anti-clockwise. The blood in our body is constantly flowing. Never ceasing. And our heart is constantly beating. Never resting. Sun rises and sets everyday. So does the moon.

Nothing exists in a permanent state. Life is always evolving, ever-changing. So why are we afraid of change?

Chasing away the blues...

Was reading Miu's 无耐 entry and I felt compelled to share this song with her. Am drawn to its optimism, and it does have an uplifting-mood effect on me. Haa... Yeah, we will never know what will happen tomorrow so carpe diem! :)

Who Knows by Avril Lavigne

Why do you look so familiar?
I could swear that I have seen your face before
I think I like that you seem sincere
I think I’d like to get to know you a little bit more

I think there’s something more
Life's worth living for

Who knows what could happen
Do what you do
Just keep on laughing
One thing’s true
There’s always a brand new day
I’m gonna live today like it’s my last day

Yeah, yeah, yeah
Yeah, yeah, yeah

How do you always have an opinion
And how do you always find the best way to compromise
We don’t need to have a reason
We don’t need anything
We’re just wasting time

I think there’s something more
Life's worth living for

Find yourself
'Cause I can’t find you
Be yourself
Who are you?

So you go and make it happen
Do your best
Just keep on laughing
I’m telling you, there’s always a brand new day

Education

My think-aloud thoughts...

Read from the papers recently about the education plans govt has or is thinking for the people…which makes me think about the role of education in the first place.

In The Aristos by John Fowles (written in 1968), he wrote in Chapter 9 – A New Education

1. At present almost all our education is directed to two ends: to get wealth for the state and to gain a livelihood for the individual. It is therefore little wonder that society is money-obsessed, since the whole tenor of education seems to indicate that this obsession is both normal and desirable.

2. In spite of the fact that we now have almost universal education, we are qualitatively one of the least-educated ages, precisely because education has everywhere surrendered to economic need. Relatively far better educations were received by the fortunate few in the eighteen century; in the Renaissance, in ancient Rome and Greece. The aims of education in all those periods were far superior to our own; they opened the student admirably to the understanding and enjoyment of life and to his responsibilities towards society. Of course the facts and subjects of the old classical education are largely unnecessary to us today; and of course it was the product of a highly unjust economic situation, but at its best it arrived at something none of our present systems remotely approach: the rounded human being.

3. ...

And in a Newsweek article dated August 2006, Martha Nussbaum wrote:

We live in a world that is dominated by the profit motive – which suggests to concerned citizens that education in science and technology is crucially important to the future success of their nations. I have no objection to good scientific and technical education, and I don’t wish to suggest that nations should stop trying to improve it. But I worry that other abilities, equally crucial, are at risk of getting lost in the competitive flurry. The abilities associated with the humanities and the arts are also vital, both to the health of individual nations and to the creation of a decent world culture. These include the ability to think critically, to transcend local loyalties and to approach international problems as a “citizen of the world.” And, perhaps most important, the ability to imagine sympathetically the predicament of another person…in short, an education that cultivates human beings rather than producing useful machines. If we do not insist on the crucial importance of the humanities and the arts, they will drop away. They don’t make money. But they do something far more precious: they make a world worth living in.

Some 40 years ago and now, we are still facing the same issue. We are well aware of the fact that education is supposed to ‘cultivate’ a well-rounded human being not only to serve economically but also as a humane human being. But the scale has always been tilting to one end.

Recall the recent coverage on underpaid and under-appreciated social workers…and also the recent news about some students getting 4 straight As, yet they feel upset about it (their concern lies in the number of As they can achieve and the type of scholarship they can be awarded (local vs. foreign uni). But what about the majority of the JC students?).

SIGH, need to remind myself we are living in the ME era. ME has been taught to study hard, so that ME can earn more money (of cos, ME also want to earn more money) and ME can have a better life. It’s all about ME. Gee...what have we become?

I succumbed…

…to alcohol.

Yah, I did the most uncle thing tonight (the last time was with Mr. Ng years ago at the coffee shop near office). Anyways, I had a beer in front of my home TV. It wasn’t some glam red wine, or some hip Heineken or Hoer garden beer…but 皇冠. And I complement my drink with snacks (fortunately it was chips and not some peanuts or dried bbq squids).

I just can’t help it......when I took a break from my work and then I saw my dad savoring his beer, it just hit me. The sudden intense craving for a beer - I NEED that cold beer LOR. Had to sheepishly ask my dad for supplies. “Yah, one last one…in the fridge” he said. Thank god!

I am sooo happy with my beer. It's damn refreshing and I felt so alive when I tasted it. I can only say my senses have been deadened by the report that I am working on and I really need some catalyst to pump the life into me again. Haa…

Yes, am a happy gal now…so back to reality again, recharged!

Stop and Stare

…by OneRepublic

This town is colder now, I think it's sick of us
It's time to make our move, I'm shakin off the rust
I've got my heart set on anywhere but here
I'm staring down myself, counting up the years
Steady hands, just take the wheel...
And every glance is killing me
Time to make one last appeal... for the life I lead

Stop and stare
I think I'm moving but I go nowhere
Yeah I know that everyone gets scared
But I've become what I can't be, oh
Stop and stare
You start to wonder why you're 'here' not there
And you'd give anything to get what's fair
But fair ain't what you really need
Oh, can u see what I see

They're tryin to come back, all my senses push
Un-tie the weight bags, I never thought I could...
Steady feet, don't fail me now
Gonna run till you can't walk
But something pulls my focus out
And I'm standing down...

Stop and stare
I think I'm moving but I go nowhere
Yeah I know that everyone gets scared
But I've become what I can't be, oh
Stop and stare
You start to wonder why you're here not there
And you'd give anything to get what's fair
But fair ain't what you really need
Oh, you don't need
What u need, what u need...

Stop and stare
I think I'm moving but I go nowhere
Yeah I know that everyone gets scared
But I've become what I can't be
Oh, do u see what I see...

Ever felt like this before? I do… even more so recently.

Yah, worse scenario is reaching nowhere but I think the worst would be not giving oneself a chance to try ‘to go’. I may reach nowhere ultimately but at least I know I tried.

怎么没有新年的气氛呢

Some things that I usually do/prepare for CNY + what I accomplished:

• Haircut - uncheck
• New clothes - uncheck (Ok, I did last min shopping…shops either do not have what I want or my size. sigh)
• Spring cleaning - check
• 牛车水 - check (逛了一遍但就是没有感染到新年的气氛)

Die…don’t know what’s wrong. On 1 Jan, I am like this and now CNY, I am also like this. I know it’s in the mind. The dread of hearing “哇，好久没见了。你好吗？” (所谓的‘你好吗’是指你结婚了没？生子了没？)?? Well, my tactic so far is not to dodge the question, but answer truthfully, then go into my long story of how I turn out to be like this – which seems to turn off some people. *GRIN* And the next time I see them, they usually avoid asking questions. Basically they just want to know my current status. Period.

Only those who really care will sit down and listen to me. Furthermore, through the conversation, I get to know the person better thus a closer bond. Wonder how many people out there try to listen more and talk less these days? Seems that many are talking more, wanting to be heard by others (yah, I am guilty of that too at times). Perhaps it’s not the dread of hearing those questions but rather the reactions I receive from people – again back to the genuineness from people I hope for this year.

Work & music

Once you see me uploading my audioblog, it's an indication that I am mentally-drained. At the moment, I would rather leave my brain juices for my reporting and analysis stuff.

Most of the time, I plug in to music while I work. Different genre/tempo of music have different cognitive effects on me - in the morning, soothing music makes me feel calm (perhaps to counteract the morning blues) and during the afternoon, I need heavier dosage (usually fast tempo) to dispel the post-lunch lethargy...

Some friends do that too...hmm, wondering what they are listening to. Maybe we should compile our music lists and see if there's a pattern. Maybe we can start 'typologising'! Argh...I need to stop this overspill of work-related thinking process to my personal life...

Run

Yea, I feel like running. Not running from reality la, but just run for the sake of running. Can’t remember when was the last time I jog since the rainy season started last year. Am inspired by this song...probably due to its tune (Run by Collective Soul - click here to enjoy).

Can’t wait to feel the breeze on my face, the coolness in the air, the runners’ high (state of euphoria), and feeling of clear-headedness after the run…hmm :)

Have I got a long way to run? Yeah I run...ahhh...

Anyone interested in touring Tibet?

Am helping out a fren based in China. He was actually my tour guide for my Xiamen trip, who has now become a friend. He has plans venturing into Tibet so am helping him spread the news.

I have the itineraries with me – 6D/7D/8D for 2 or 4 to travel. Places to visit include 拉萨 (capital of TAR), 羊八井 (geothermal belt of Tibet), 日喀则, 林芝...plus one can choose to arrive Tibet by plane or train. Not only one can customize the traveling route but we will also be skipping the middleman (which translates to cost-saving!) Good rite?

As for the best-time-to-visit-period, seems that people are suggesting different times – my fren here says Mar-Apr is good (one can get to see snow), the previous guide from my Tibet trip suggested May or Sept, another fren suggested July…*scratch head* anyways, I think one just needs to avoid Oct-Feb period.

So come lah, come visit the place and u will know why I am so smitten by it (click here to view pixs). Contact me directly or drop me an email if interested and I can help u link up :) help me pass the word around to your friends too – thanks thanks!

久病床前無孝子

…that’s what the Taiwan consumers are saying (am working on a project involving senior citizens). How aptly put. Though I am still far away from the senior age bracket, this is something that I am wary of.

Our common fear: fall sick and become a burden to others. As much as we say we want to ensure our healthiness and make sure we don’t fall ill in the most miserable way, we can’t run away from the fact that we indeed need someone to care for us in our later years. Or even just to check on us (to make sure we are still alive and kicking, not ‘departed’ without anyone knowing).

Recall the story reported in the papers sometime back - an elderly Chinese couple who puts up a ‘recruitment ad’ for a daughter? They are looking for a “daughter” who can look after them, despite them having a real daughter living in the States (can’t remember the exact details). It’s depressing…but that’s the reality. No matter how filial a child is to a parent, there’s a threshold of so much one can take. It’s a good thing that some organizations are creating awareness about supporting the caregivers currently. Likewise, being part of the aging population myself in future, I also see that it’s my responsibility to embrace the fact that I will need to rely on people somehow in my later years.

Saying this reminds me of Tuesdays with Morris (one of the books I would recommend if one wants to understand about living and humility) – learn to let go and be humble.

Night sky and I

Finally, the sky has cleared up. At least for now. It’s a cloudless night and the stars are being unveiled again. The woodpecker in my backyard is at work as well. I love the night sky. I like its vastness, its darkness…and of course the stars. No matter where I am – in my home front yard, from the hotel window in Sapa, or in Tibet, or on the streets in Prague – I always feel the same closeness toward the night sky. It’s like “I’m home” (No, I am not talking about ET)...it's about being part of this world, being part of this universe. And we are all in it cuz we share the same sky.

Afternoon tea

Ever since I returned from Xiamen, I have developed a habit of drinking Chinese tea every weekend afternoons with my family. Perhaps it’s the novelty of using my newly-bought teapot – it serves as a teapot, strainer and serving jug.

So easy to use – put an appropriate amount of tea leaves into the inner compartment, add hot water to it and cover. Allow it to seep for a while and then press the top button (that controls the water-stop ball) to let the tea (filtered automatically) flow into the serving jug. Tea is now ready to be served…it’s that simple!

You have no idea how impressed I was with this Chinese tea-maker that I searched high and low for it. You know la in China, the same thing can be sold at different prices in different places, and I wanted to make sure I got a good buy. Haa…which I think I did (I hope!), mine cost me S$5, while some stores sell it at S$40 ;)

Well, it’s brewing-time now...feels especially cozy drinking hot tea during rainy days...

静静的...

聆听这首歌...庾澄庆《静静的》

I rarely listen to radio stations these days…only receive my entertainment dosage from the papers. Thanks to a fren who recently recommended me this song :) Am not sure how popular this song is or how out-dated I am. Hee…but I am drawn to its simplicity.

Simple lyrics, simple tune…nothing fanciful…it simply creeps into my heart quietly.

《静静的》
作词:林唯 作曲:梁介洋 编曲:陈飞午

空气里躲着什么
有点浪漫的心动
我偷偷看你
你也偷偷看我
世界上多了什么
好像变得很不同
站在你身边
这一切都好宽阔

我还在等着你
静静的爱我
只要有你陪我
静静的就足够
你也在等着我
静静的温柔
就这样手牵手
静静的看着天空

心里面藏着什么
你只想要让我懂
原来我的梦
也就是你的梦
哦
纸条上写了什么
我好想要听你说
让字字句句
充满我们的笑容

永远要记得那天彼此许下的承诺
瞬间点亮的火花
是我们的拥有

静静的手牵手
是最简单的梦

Creating self-awareness – is it possible?

I remember Miew, Bak Chew and I had discussions on self-awareness on separate occasions. Could be due to our nature of work or certain similar traits in us that we often find this topic intriguing. This topic surfaces again in my mind when I was traveling with my young cousin. Is it nature or nurture that one has a high degree of self-awareness? Can it be cultivated? Does it take place unconsciously, sub-consciously or consciously?

My stand so far has always been that it’s a nature-nurture interplay. Perhaps a child is born with the predisposition and with the optimal environment + parenting style, the child grows up with a good sense of self-awareness (notice that I am not using ‘best’ or ‘good’ to define the environment. Personally, I feel that it depends on the ‘fit’ between the person and environment).

I have been toying with this idea recently. If I like my child to grow up to be a considerate person, someone with high self-awareness, understanding that one’s actions may have implications on self and on others in later stage (the notion of karma/karma-phala), how do I go about with it?

To back-track a little (and to set the context as well), in my generation, parents do not ask us for feedback, do not give us options. We were told to do this or that; take it or leave it. Authoritative style. Looking at the parents now, they like to ask kids for their opinions, give them options – what would you like to have today for lunch? Where do you want to go? Which one do you prefer? Etc. Hence the child learns that they have a say, they can make a choice à which in turn cultivates their sense of individuality. And they know very well how they feel when they get their way vs. when they cannot have what they want ;)

No doubt we want our children to grow up to be independent and with a strong sense of self, but I wouldn’t want to see them grow up to be some egocentric, self-centered adults. So how do I then extend this sense of individuality to encompass a wider scope, i.e., to be more self-aware, more sensitive to others?

Maybe having the child to interact with people might foster the sense of self-awareness – BUT not with family or friends wherein the child is familiar with. It’s interaction with strangers. Exposing the child to strangers (particularly needy people), lending a helping hand…directing the child’s attention away from self and shifting to others. Instead of answering questions pertaining to self wants/needs, it’d be asking questions to others’ wants/needs so that the child would learn to be more aware of their surroundings and conscious of their actions. This could be one of the ways in honing one’s self-awareness.

Uh...well, I am not a parent yet so I can’t really know this (something that parents and Piaget/Kohlberg’s followers might be interested in). But it does make sense to me. What do you think?

Welcome...

…to my new BLOG space. Will be using this space to blog my thoughts, things I see and experience. Once again, feel free to drop by and give comments if you like :) Ah yes, friends who like to comment but not able to do so previously at multiply (as you need to sign up) can do so now easily.

Shall play with the html template and see if I can make this space more personalized and easier to navigate =)