It's not a stroke, it's MG

We thought it was a stroke, but it wasn't. It is now confirmed that my dad is suffering from myasthenia gravis, a neuromuscular disease (to find out more, visit http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Myasthenia_gravis) .

It's not a common disease, and I have yet to find a succinct answer when people ask me, "what's that?". Basically, myasthenia gravis (MG for short) is a condition in which the body produces antibodies that act on the muscle by weakening it. As the symptoms come and go, it's hard to detect and not easily diagnosed unless we are speaking to the right specialist, in this case, a neurologist. But how often do we consult one?

Anyway, this is how we discover... just 3 weeks ago, my dad decided to seek TCM as an alternative treatment for his respiratory problems (he had a severe case of pneumonia last year and was placed in Intensive Care Unit for a few days, hence is now recovering from the remnants of pneumonia). When he first stepped into the TCM consulting room, the first comment the Chinese physician gave was "你中风了" ("you had a stroke"). Because of his drooping left eyelid, and weak facial expression, the physician suspected he had a stroke. And THAT, that comment completely put my parents on a panic mode.

The next thing we did was call upon his respiratory doctor in-charge and told him about it. CT scans were arranged for the chest and brain. In the meantime, we waited for results. The waiting was torturous. We started to examine his bodily cues/symptoms, any sort that would suggest signs of stroke. We changed his diet just to be safe. We had to go through the emotional ride again...and we thought we just survived an eventful 2007! Given what had happened last year, I went to buy books on coping with stroke and about optimum diet, with the intention of preparing myself and my family on the next steps.

One week later, the results were out. The respiratory doctor, too, suspected it was stroke because there was an infarction in his left hemisphere (though find it strange that he had a drooping left eyelid). That said, he referred us to a neurologist (which is normal procedure for stroke patients) for a more accurate diagnosis. So we went.

The neurologist asked questions, did physical examination, repetitive nerve stimulation test, etc tests. He said, "He has myasthenia gravis..."

What mya...? Did I hear gravis? All I know is that gravis means serious!

"...but it's treatable" added the doctor. TReatable - yes, that's a relief to know. The doc started explaining the pathology and its treatment. My dad needs to be on medication long term. However, during the initial stage of medication, his health condition might weaken before it picks up and shows improvement. The weakening stage can be life-threatening if one is not careful so he strongly advised we admit my dad in for the first 5-6 days when he's taking the medicine.

The events -- the visit to the doc's clinic for the scan results, our expected it's-a-stroke-confirmation which turned out to be a neuromuscular disease, and the inpatient treatment that needs to be commenced asap -- occurred within the same day. The turmoil of emotions that went through us...indescribable. Relieved that it was not stroke, but some autoimmune disorder? Puzzled about how 'lucky' (or suay) my dad is? Fortunate that the disease can be controlled? And the thought of he being hospitalised AGAIN?

What can we do, but simply move with the motion of things - registering, waiting for the ward, arranging for meals and the 'usual' logistic issues (I hate to say this but we have been through this process numerous times)...

Throughout the stay, he showed improvement and could speak more clearly. No more slurring, no more drooping eyelid. He looked much much better :) ...however, these occur only when the medicine is taking effect. Once the medicine loses its magic, the symptoms return. Indeed, medication is going to be on a long-term basis.

On the fifth day, he was discharged. That should spell the end of things, isn't it? I don't know. A couple of scans is further needed to check on his thymus because it is supposedly the culprit for the antibodies...

So the wait begins again...

Voidness in me

Just couldn't write much.
Couldn't find the words to describe my emotions.
Or maybe there wasn't much left to begin with.
Exhausted, drained...feeling robotic.

Where the end meets the beginning

Is this what we call life?

To lose focus

It hurts.
The clarity of it.
The sharpness of everything.
My eyes need to rest.
At this point in time,
I don't mind having a blurred vision...