I remember Miew, Bak Chew and I had discussions on self-awareness on separate occasions. Could be due to our nature of work or certain similar traits in us that we often find this topic intriguing. This topic surfaces again in my mind when I was traveling with my young cousin. Is it nature or nurture that one has a high degree of self-awareness? Can it be cultivated? Does it take place unconsciously, sub-consciously or consciously?
My stand so far has always been that it’s a nature-nurture interplay. Perhaps a child is born with the predisposition and with the optimal environment + parenting style, the child grows up with a good sense of self-awareness (notice that I am not using ‘best’ or ‘good’ to define the environment. Personally, I feel that it depends on the ‘fit’ between the person and environment).
I have been toying with this idea recently. If I like my child to grow up to be a considerate person, someone with high self-awareness, understanding that one’s actions may have implications on self and on others in later stage (the notion of karma/karma-phala), how do I go about with it?
To back-track a little (and to set the context as well), in my generation, parents do not ask us for feedback, do not give us options. We were told to do this or that; take it or leave it. Authoritative style. Looking at the parents now, they like to ask kids for their opinions, give them options – what would you like to have today for lunch? Where do you want to go? Which one do you prefer? Etc. Hence the child learns that they have a say, they can make a choice à which in turn cultivates their sense of individuality. And they know very well how they feel when they get their way vs. when they cannot have what they want ;)
No doubt we want our children to grow up to be independent and with a strong sense of self, but I wouldn’t want to see them grow up to be some egocentric, self-centered adults. So how do I then extend this sense of individuality to encompass a wider scope, i.e., to be more self-aware, more sensitive to others?
Maybe having the child to interact with people might foster the sense of self-awareness – BUT not with family or friends wherein the child is familiar with. It’s interaction with strangers. Exposing the child to strangers (particularly needy people), lending a helping hand…directing the child’s attention away from self and shifting to others. Instead of answering questions pertaining to self wants/needs, it’d be asking questions to others’ wants/needs so that the child would learn to be more aware of their surroundings and conscious of their actions. This could be one of the ways in honing one’s self-awareness.
My stand so far has always been that it’s a nature-nurture interplay. Perhaps a child is born with the predisposition and with the optimal environment + parenting style, the child grows up with a good sense of self-awareness (notice that I am not using ‘best’ or ‘good’ to define the environment. Personally, I feel that it depends on the ‘fit’ between the person and environment).
I have been toying with this idea recently. If I like my child to grow up to be a considerate person, someone with high self-awareness, understanding that one’s actions may have implications on self and on others in later stage (the notion of karma/karma-phala), how do I go about with it?
To back-track a little (and to set the context as well), in my generation, parents do not ask us for feedback, do not give us options. We were told to do this or that; take it or leave it. Authoritative style. Looking at the parents now, they like to ask kids for their opinions, give them options – what would you like to have today for lunch? Where do you want to go? Which one do you prefer? Etc. Hence the child learns that they have a say, they can make a choice à which in turn cultivates their sense of individuality. And they know very well how they feel when they get their way vs. when they cannot have what they want ;)
No doubt we want our children to grow up to be independent and with a strong sense of self, but I wouldn’t want to see them grow up to be some egocentric, self-centered adults. So how do I then extend this sense of individuality to encompass a wider scope, i.e., to be more self-aware, more sensitive to others?
Maybe having the child to interact with people might foster the sense of self-awareness – BUT not with family or friends wherein the child is familiar with. It’s interaction with strangers. Exposing the child to strangers (particularly needy people), lending a helping hand…directing the child’s attention away from self and shifting to others. Instead of answering questions pertaining to self wants/needs, it’d be asking questions to others’ wants/needs so that the child would learn to be more aware of their surroundings and conscious of their actions. This could be one of the ways in honing one’s self-awareness. Uh...well, I am not a parent yet so I can’t really know this (something that parents and Piaget/Kohlberg’s followers might be interested in). But it does make sense to me. What do you think?
2 comments:
yo.. i have a question.. think we talked about this before, eh.. if the child dun ve the EQ/ emotion to sense in the first place, (be in family or strangers), can the exposure to strangers and the needy help in anyway? I dun have the answer too leh
Hee...yes, we did talk abt that now that you reminded me! I am hoping that by exposing them to such interaction and with constant guidance, it would start off as a conscious effort. Gradually it wld become a habit (the thot of putting others above self). Essentially it's about socialising them. I also dunno if this helps.
Also, in the first pl, how do we determine that our children have high or low EQ in the first place? Hmm...shall continue this over our teh-sessions :)
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