* *Sparkle* *

Met BC for coffee yesterday, and I found something in him which I have not seen it in many of us for a very long time…

The sparkle in his eyes…when he was telling me about his life.

It was a refreshing feel because it’s been a long while since I last spoke to someone with so much zest for life. Feelings of envy, gladness, guilt and sadness start to creep in...and I start to wonder what happened to my ‘sparkle’.

I remember when I first started working, I was working crazy hours 24/7… WH/GL almost gave up on me (cos either I was often late for our regular gathering or I was out of town). Some pragmatic friends advised me to quit my job – for that number of hours I put in, it’s not worth the money earned.

But hey, I was YOUNG, full of energy, with a strong thirst for knowledge and experience, and I ENJOY pushing my limits. So I work hard, I play hard. And I believe I had that sparkle in my eyes during that period. The feeling of being alive, the passion for what I was doing…it’s that driving force that pumps my bloodstream.

So what’s pumping my bloodstream now? Deadline pressures…I have now become the ‘disengaged worker’. Dammit. I hate this feeling.

I told BC to stay close to his heart…continue to emit that sparkle.

I have already lost mine, but am not losing hope…I will continue to search for it…